Microfiction Revisions: Little Lost Love Stories

  False Haven (After)  

The porch with the little swing and the tree tulips was our beginning. It was there, nervously, that you stood as my father answered your knock. The one I waved goodbye to as you left for college. After my father died, we hugged my mother on the porch as she cried. It was there that you got down on one knee and carried me into our new home, taking me in. That was the spot where you were shouting at me as you walked away to your car. The porch with the little swing and three tulips is our end. 

 

False Haven (Before)

    The porch with the little swing and the tree tulips was our beginning. It was the place you stood nervously as my father answered your knock. The one I waved from as you headed off for college. The porch we held my mom in while she cried after my dad passed. It was the place you got down on one knee and where you lifted me up, carrying me into our new house. It was where you stood yelling at me as you backed away to your car. The porch with the little swing and three tulips is our end. 

Aftermath

My tears mix with the rain.

House with Porch Swing (UnSplash)

Author's Note (revised): This was formed from listening to sad songs with rainy backgrounds on YouTube. I tried to foreshadow with the title of the first microfiction that this was not a happy love story. The title of my microfiction collection symbolizes lost love as in dissipated between two people rather than lost as in rediscovered. The second story is a look after their love is gone and really tries to paint a scene of them left devastated on the porch. I decided to formulate some words better and give my story an overall flow. I wanted to keep that same sense of artful repetition of the porch and its beginnings and end. I just wanted to make some words stand out more and to make it sound more well written.